Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is hands down my absolute favorite day of the year.  Being a mom continues to be my greatest joy in this one beautiful, and wild, life.  Sidenote: the enjoyment of the holiday quadrupled for me once becoming a mom.  I’ll explain.

Mother’s Day is a day where we honor mothers, and the love, care and sacrifices made by nurturing and caring for another.  The day unities us because we all have a mother, even if we are not ourselves, a mom.  I believe it also unites us because we are all precious souls deserving of and desiring a mother’s love, regardless of the degree to which we have received. 

Many celebrate the day with togetherness, brunch, and springtime activities.  My usual Mother’ Day requests involve a BBQ in my backyard (that I don’t have to prepare), some outside activity (no complaining), and time with those who fill my cup. 

However, I am deeply aware that this can be a very challenging day for many.  Others may be, or feel alone, and struggle with feelings of grief, loss, and longing, for a variety of complicated reasons. 

I believe that we choose our actual family (yup, past life stuff) and that we also have the power to select our chosen family.   Given this choice, I don’t understand why many of us don’t (in this life) have the connections and bonds that we desire and why others do.  I do however trust that the brave, selfless, relentless love of those who nurture us along the way are blessings that deserve to be recognized on this holiday as well.

So, while we are celebrating all the mamas, let’s also raise a glass to all the sisters, mentors, teachers, aunts, mothers, grandmothers, who have loved us into who we are today. 

One more thing, a little truth serum.  As I reflect on Mother’s Day, I realize a deeper and more personal reason as to why I love this day so much.  In short, Mother’s Day reminds me of my own capacity to love and allows me to celebrate the growth I’ve achieved by striving to be the best mom I can be.  I’m a great mom for many reasons that some may or may not agree with (including my children); but that’s not the point.  Being a great mom isn’t just about being a great mom, it's about being a great human (or at least attempting to be).

Everything changed when my boys came into the picture.  When a child looks into your eyes with pure love you realize you better give it back.  I immediately knew I needed to take down all my walls and defenses, ditch my pesky self-doubt, and stop all toxic patterns of self-sabotage.  Passing my pile of unresolved issues on to them was simply not an option.  I remember feeling like I just couldn’t do all my healing fast enough. Time was of the essence.   So, I went to grad school to learn psychology, got myself a therapist, and dove into my work.  Over time (and error) I learned to trust myself and I developed new ways of caring for myself and honoring my mind, body, and spirit. 

My desire to be the best version of myself was inspired by the overwhelming love and care I have for my children.  But let’s be clear, the true motivator was how purely they loved me back.  Without them I wouldn’t be who I am today.  In order to give my three amazing (now teenage) boys the love and life they deserved (or to even get close) I had to leverage my deepest reserves to grow into who my children need me to be, to think about what will serve them the most above what I desire, and to invest in their dreams, goals and aspirations like they are my own.  Loving like a mama has taught me to love with all my heart.  Being a mom has invited me to love fiercely simply because they deserve it. 

So, Thanks boys!  Eli, Matty and Lincoln, I love you madly! Being your mom has been the gift of my life. This Mother’s Day I am celebrating moms, those with a mom, those who are a mom, and I am also cheering for the courageous loving mama-hearts in each of you. 

Happy Mother’s Day!