I Surrender All

Let it go.  

Breath in.  

Breath out.  

Breath in deeply.  

Push it away.  

I guide many through their breathing so very often.  

Sometimes daily….

....sometimes more often than that.  

Let it go.  

Release.  

Surrender.  

I surrender all.  

I surrender all.  

I surrender all.  

I lead with these instructions….

… the class drops into savasana.  

These words I say for me as much as I say for them.  

I surrender all.  

There is a playlist I have created with I surrender songs to remind me.  

I need more reminding still.   

My nature is to hold on. 

To grip and wrestle and pull back when life begins to pull itself away from me.  

I don’t even know if I want all that I hold onto so desperately.   

And at times I know for certain I don’t want any of it and still I grasp it, 

I reach for it. 

I grieve it when it goes away.  

I remember,

I remind myself,

I surrender all. 

I definitely do not try to hold on so tightly.  

I can’t help it.

It’s a response, 

It’s a reaction to loss.

It’s a resistance to change. 

This resistance is automatic,

and unwelcomed,

both,

equally.  

My higher knowing, 

wants to be free, 

to allow for the natural falling away of moments and time and memories and pain and loss.  

Yet, I am naturally inclined to hold it close to me.  

It seems almost painful in some way to let it go, possibly even wrong.  

I illogically fear letting go will leave me naked, afraid and alone.  

And yet I know, 

Letting go will free me. 

I’m being guided to release my grip. 

Surrender and know that I am God.  

Be Still and know that I am God.  

I am clueless as to why this basic spiritual instruction is the most challenging of all.  

We are wired to hold tight and yet our deepest intuition knows we shouldn’t do so.  

Recently I read a list of What NOT to do and What to GIVE UP!   

I was intrigued.  

I love this concept.  

For as many times as I’ve heard and told others to let go,

I had not acknowledged this application to saying NO.

I love to say, No More. 

Making a list of what I won’t do sounds indulgently fantastic.  

I celebrate joyfully, 

gratefully,

 and with relief that it’s ok to lessen obligation vs. ADD more of anything.  

I feel this concept is so critical right now in this world of more, 

and best, 

and better.  

I believe women especially need to hear this,

and be given permission to let go of things that no longer serve or benefit.   

I see this culture of women and men attempting to be too much,

for too many.  

I am one of them.  

I know.    

I let go.  

I let go of over-effort-ing in relationship.  

I let go of discouraging myself, 

I let go of  “I can’t”,  “I won’t”.  “I should and I shouldn’t”.  

I let go of waiting on others approval to feel good about myself.  

I let go of relationships that make me feel less than, 

unworthy.

I let go of needing to prove my worth,

to anyone.  

I let go of keeping score when it doesn’t matter. 

I let go of holding onto what hurts me.  

I let go of wondering what others think of me. 

I let go. 

I let go.

I.

Let.

Go.

I breathe in.  

I breathe out.  

I surrender all.  

I surrender all. 

I surrender all.  

Hannah Zackney